


Closure & Guilt

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, episode tag 16x18, post 17x11, though barely I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-20 09:50:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22182010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: Nick is left struggling in the aftermath but Ellie has a plan.
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	Closure & Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> this kind of went off the rails of a post ep fic oops. and I could have written a lot more for it but I cheated.

Things seemed to move on at a slow pace after finding Phineas and Ziva's departure. 

Weeks later when Vance announced he was giving them a vacation on account of everything they've been through lately, everything seemed to be back to normal. 

Except for Nick. Ellie didn't think anyone else saw it but she did. His tense shoulders, the more frequent trips to the gym resulting in more often than not bruised knuckles, extreme focus on the job including the paperwork he hated as if trying to not think about something, the way he always tried to get someone to hang out in what she knew was an effort to not be alone.

And Ellie knew _why_.

* * *

  
Nick leaned his hands on the sides of the sink, eyes closed as the water he splashed on his face continued to drip. His head hurt but that was nothing new lately, and his heart beat a little quicker in his chest in anxiousness when he felt his thoughts starting to wander. 

He hated this. Hated that he let one kid who ended up okay and happy affect him like this. They've had cases dealing with kids before— so why did this one get to him so much. Why did this one make him think of her. That little girl from the trafficking ring that he could never forget.

Luckily the rough way he treated the other men working in the ring was enough to keep his cover, or the way he protected the kids would have given him away. A few of them found out ' _Marcus_ ' was a federal agent and not one of the bad guys, and Nick tried not to choke up at the way these hurt and terrified kids looked at him with thankful eyes. None of them were told his real name just in case, but Nick told one. 

Bailey a small nine year old had grabbed tightly onto his shirt, looking up at him with wide scared eyes, asking if he could stay with her in a whisper. He had been seconds from saying he couldn't when Nick noticed her eyes dart around at the people on scene, and a ' _yes_ ' slipped out before he could stop it. For some reason this little girl was taking comfort and trust in _him_ of all people.

They had been in the small hospital room for an hour when the doctor came in all smiles making Bailey relax just slightly from her stiff posture on the examination table. Nick was relieved it was going fine..until the doctor quietly asked if he could step outside. Nick obviously knew why, she would be needing to do a more thorough examination considering the circumstances, but Bailey didn't realize or care. 

Nick's heart clenched when she started to panic about him leaving, throwing her arms around his neck holding tightly to him as she cried for him to ' _please don't leave_ '. In the end he stayed, ready to leave the second Bailey seemed uncomfortable with him there. She flinched, cried, and shook with fear but never did she once let go of his hand. 

Eventually, the time came when Bailey was forced to go with child services. Nick will never forget it, it was burned into his memory and heart painfully. Bailey had fought, cried, screamed. He could still remember the way she screamed his name, breaking his heart into a million pieces knowing there was nothing he could do. He had tried looking for her to see if she was okay, but he soon got sent back under. He never did find her. 

With a groan he rubbed at his eyes roughly. What he wouldn't give for a night of uninterrupted sleep. Between the memories of what he witnessed while taking down the ring and Bailey, sleep was out of the question. 

* * *

  
Ellie had a plan. 

Gibbs would be using his vacation to visit Phineas, McGee was going to Paris with Delilah and the twins, and Ellie well—her vacation depended on what she would find. With the lights dimmed in the squad room from the late hour, she let the quietness of the building flow through her as she cracked her knuckles and got to work, all her focus on the screen in front of her. 

_"I was ready you know." Nick whispered brokenly, glass of bourbon from the bottle Gibbs had given her ages ago that had been tucked away in the back of her cabinet clutched in his hand._

_Usually she wouldn't let him have more than a beer with how much trouble alcohol had given him lately, but when he had showed up at her door something in his eyes made her finally pull out that bottle. She leaned against him on the couch, legs tucked under her with a glass of her own._

_Her heart broke for him during his story. This man who so easily became one of the most important people in her life, had his heart crushed so many times and in so many ways. Ellie didn't think it was fair at all. She knew Nick deserved the world, not the crappy hand he had been dealt many times and she wished more than anything that she could wipe it all away. No matter how much he tried to hide it or lock it away under a cold tough exterior, Ellie knew he had one of the biggest and kindest hearts._

_"Ready for what?" Ellie asked, placing her hand on his wrist, fingers rubbing gentle circles in the spot that was meant to help relax you._

_His body sunk down a little on the couch at her touch, but she couldn't tell if it was from what she was doing or her touch in general. "To quit being an undercover agent, to just sit at a desk if it meant-" He stopped and took a breath, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand. "-if it meant I could keep her with me, keep her safe."_

_Ellie felt herself hurt and melt at his statement. He had been willing to give up the chase, to stay at a desk that would drive him crazy it it meant he could help and look after that little girl he barely knew. But life didn't happen like that._

It took a few calls to connections she had and a lot of searching, but hours after settling down in front of the computer she leaned back in her chair and smiled. 

She had found Bailey. 

After a few months in the system, Bailey had been fostered and eventually adopted by a couple, and two years ago they had moved to Oklahoma only an hour from her hometown. Ellie grinned, it worked out perfectly. Instead of trying to convince Nick to come along with her on some random trip somewhere, she just had to convince him to come back home with her. And she knew the perfect bait to do so. During her last visit home her brothers had interrupted a facetime call with Nick, resulting in them becoming friendly (no matter how much she was against it). She knew her brothers had been wanting him to come for a game of soccer claiming they could kick his ass, which would be her cover for asking.

* * *

  
She smiled behind her mug of tea from her spot in front of the window with a perfect view of the backyard. Nick hadn't taken long to convince it turns out, knowing he wouldn't have done anything during their vacation anyway. And now she watched him look more relaxed and happy than he had in weeks as he ran around the yard with her brothers, laughing as Robbie tripped and George stole the ball right out from under him—literally. She was positive the change of environment helped clear his head a little, coming back to Oklahoma always did that for her.

"Don't think I don't know, Eleanor." Barbara said with a knowing look as she came to stand beside Ellie with her own mug. 

"Know what?" Ellie bit her lip. "I told you why I'm here mom." Her mom being the only person she told.

"To give Nick closure, I know." Barbara's face softened. "But I also know you're doing this to help yourself."

She stiffened at her mom's words. "Mom-"

"Don't try and lie to me Eleanor." Barbara said sternly. "I still don't know what happened between you two months ago, but I know this is also your way of trying to ease your guilt for whatever it was." 

_It didn't hit her, what she had truly said to Nick when she stepped into the elevator after watching him walk with Jack to her office. It didn't hit her on the way home. It didn't hit her during her reluctant and short shower. Not until she opened her fridge and saw a bottle of Nick's favorite beer that she only bought for him, the last one in her fridge seemingly mocking her._

_Tears welled up in her eyes and fell before she could stop it. Nick's hurt look flashed through her mind, the way his eyes looked so empty as he looked at her, that spark gone._

_With a sniffle and shaking hands, she pulled out her phone. "Mom?" She cried through the phone the second her mom picked up._

_"Eleanor?" Concern right away colored Barbara's tone when hearing her daughter. "Are you okay? What's going on?"_

_Ellie slid down onto her kitchen floor, back against the fridge as she pulled her knees up to her chest and sobbed. "I-I messed up mom..I messed up so bad."_

_"Talk to me honey." Barbara said as comfortingly as she could, her own eyes getting moist listening to how broken her daughter sounded._

_"Nick..I hurt him..he'll never forgive me mom-" Ellie sobbed loudly, taking in a loud shaky breath._

Ellie flinched at the memory. No matter how many times her mom had asked her what happened, Ellie had just continued to cry and mumble about how she messed up. She never said anything else about it after that phone call, and the next time she mentioned Nick to her mom it was as if the phone call never happened. 

She didn't want to admit her mom was right though. That she was doing this mostly for Nick, but partly for herself too. She and Nick had moved on from it, but that didn't mean the guilt wasn't still lingering. 

"I'm doing this for Nick, mom." She said instead, refusing to admit it out loud. 

Barbara gave her a look telling her she didn't buy it but didn't push. "And the other motive you have?"

Ellie huffed, downing the rest of her tea and walking past her mom heading to the kitchen. "Like I just told you, I'm doing this for Nick."

"So there's not a part of you hoping?" Barbara said with a small grin, a twinkle in her eye. 

"Mom what the hell are you talking about now?" Her heart raced a little in her chest, knowing exactly what words would leave her mom's mouth. 

"Hoping that he'll be grateful for what you did, and finally confess his feelings."

Her body stiffened once more. Instead of answering she walked away. 

Ellie hated it but it was partly true. She had originally did this all for Nick, to help him find closure and heal that open wound that Bailey unintentionally left behind. But as she thought about it more, she realized a part of her not only hoped helping him would ease that guilt still inside her but also a small—very small—part of her hoped that by the time they returned home he'd finally confess his feelings. 

* * *

  
The day before Ellie would take Nick to meet with Bailey, she headed out with her mom using a shopping excuse as a way to meet Bailey's parents. She had talked with them over the phone before coming to Oklahoma but they were rightfully wary. Meeting them was a way to settle their worry and confirm they were okay with it all before she even told Nick, the last thing she wanted was for Nick to be crushed again if Bailey's parents changed their minds. Or if Bailey did herself.

When the next day came, she was a ball of nerves that Nick of course picked up on.

"Okay seriously Ellie, what's up?" Nick asked, turning slightly in the passenger seat to face her.

"What?" She chuckled. "Nothing's up."

"Why are you nervous then?" Nick sent her a raised eyebrow. "You wouldn't be nervous at just showing me around- not to mention we're not even in your town anymore."

Ellie sighed. "Just..wait a few more minutes?" She at least wanted to get there first.

He grumbled but nodded. "Fine, but if you're taking me to do some dorky thing think again Ellie."

Her lips twitched into a smile. "I promise I'm not forcing you to do some 'dork' thing." 

Moments later Ellie felt her nerves return as she pulled the car over parking in front of a row of shops. Turning the car off she twisted in her seat, Nick looked around suspiciously before looking back at her. "I um there was a reason I wanted you to come to Oklahoma with me."

"Yeah...I kind of figured." Nick crossed his arms with a scoff. "Did you really think I just bought your excuse of playing soccer with your brothers?"

With a groan Ellie sunk into her seat making him chuckle. "No not really."

"But I trust you Ellie." She looked at him and could see the trust in his eyes. A trust she didn't think she'd ever get back after what she did. Maybe..just maybe she didn't need this to settle her guilt. Nick didn't trust many people, but he still trusted her. A warmth filled her chest at that thought. "So I came with you even with your lame excuse, why am I really here?"

Ellie sighed. "I um did some digging..contacted some people I know-" Without thinking she reached out and grabbed his hands. His eyes darted down to look at their joined hands before they went back to her face. "I wanted to find Bailey for you."

Nick sucked in a sharp breath, his hands automatically squeezing hers so tightly she almost winced. "W-What?"

"I found her..right here in Oklahoma." Ellie said, running her thumbs along the back of his hands. "She was adopted by a family, and two years ago they moved here."

He swallowed roughly and his eyes looked a little wet. "So she's okay?"

She smiled softly. "She's okay, Nick. I met her parents, they really do seem like nice people and love her." 

"And Bailey?" He asked in a small voice, one similar to his tone when they sat on her steps talking about Clay over a year ago.

"How about you see for yourself?" His eyes widened almost comically making her laugh. "You see that coffee shop over there?" Ellie nodded her head in the direction of the shop next to the one she parked in front of. "Bailey is in there, waiting to see you."

* * *

  
This wasn't what Nick expected at all. He knew Ellie had a reason for bringing him home with her, but the last thing he expected was this. 

When they walked inside and Ellie turned down joining them, hand rubbing along his arm as she told him it was his moment with her before moving to sit and wait at a table by the window—he was positive he fell for her even more. 

And with his heart racing in his chest and nerves fluttering in his stomach in a way he hadn't felt for a long time, he turned in the direction Ellie had gestured him towards. Swallowing, Nick walked towards the table where a teenage girl sat looking at her phone.

She looked up right as he reached the table. Recognition filled her eyes immediately and he felt shock at that hit him right at the same moment she jumped up, throwing her arms around him—so similar to the way she did as that small frail nine year old that it made his throat close up with the emotion hitting him. Nick quickly blinked to rid of the wetness he could feel gathering in his eyes as he hugged her back. 

It was oddly warm and familiar.

"It's really you." Bailey said as soon as she pulled back, sitting back down and eagerly motioning for him to sit. Right as he did, she leaned forward with a grin. "I was half wondering if Agent Bishop was just pulling my leg."

Nick couldn't help but laugh. "It's really me..though shouldn't I be saying that? You're the one who grew."

"Oh ya know..ate a lot of greens." She joked with a laugh before her face turned serious. "I never got to say thank you."

"There's nothing to thank-" Nick tried to say, but Bailey shook her head.

"Yes there is. Not only did you help me and..the others, but without you-" She blinked rapidly and gave a watery smile. "-we probably wouldn't have gotten out of there alive, or at least would have been in much worse shape. You stayed by my side when I needed it most, and thanks to you—I found my true family."

"Bailey-" Nick gripped one of her hands. "You don't know how happy I am to know you're okay, I tried finding you before just to make sure but..the system was more of a mess back then, then when I tried looking again I'm guessing that's when you got adopted."

"I'm happy you're okay too." Bailey smiled, then her eyes darted over to where Ellie was sitting. "Maybe a little bit more than happy?"

Nick pulled his hand back while clearing his throat. "Uh no- we're not-"

Bailey put her hand over her mouth and giggled. "Hey you're the one who thought that's what I meant."

"Oh you little-" Nick glared only making her laugh more. 

* * *

Two hours later he and Ellie exited the coffee shop, waving goodbye to Bailey who was on her way to the nearby library for a study group. She along with her parents had both of their numbers if Bailey ever wanted to contact them, and Nick felt like a heavy weight was lifted off him mentally and physically.

They leaned against the car, watching her until she turned the corner. 

"Ellie?" Nick said finally, but didn't take his eyes off the corner where Bailey disappeared around. 

"Hm?" She blinked in surprise when in seconds he was in front of her, hands placed on either side of her, trapping her against the car. "Nick?"

"Is the guilt gone?" He mumbled, leaning in to press his forehead to hers. His action unexpected enough that she was sure her brain short circuited for a second

A small gasp fell from her lips. "What?" Her mind felt fuzzy. From the fact that he brought up the guilt, and the way his lips were so close to hers along with the way he moved to press their bodies together. Her heart sped up, and she was sure he could feel it. 

"I _know_ you Ellie." He moved one of his hands off the car to cup her cheek, the warmth and touch of his hand making her eyes flutter closed for a second. "I could tell by the way you looked and acted towards me sometimes that you felt guilty, but I also knew it was something only you could work through. So is the guilt gone?"

"I-I don't know-"

"Yes, you do know." He pressed gently. "Just let yourself feel it."

Ellie breathed in and slowly closed her eyes. 

She focused on the feel of him against her, the way his forehead gently pressed to hers, the feeling of his breathing, the faint scent of his cologne, his calluses against her cheek, and the way his presence made her feel. Calm, safe, content, happy.

Her eyes fluttered open, meeting his that were so close. Ellie smiled, giving him the answer he wanted without saying it. 

"Good." Nick mumbled.

Ellie only felt confusion on why it mattered to him for only a second. Because in the next, his lips were on hers. Her heart soared in her chest. Forgetting that they were in public, Ellie threw her arms around his neck letting him fully press her against the car.

* * *

Barbara watched from the window with a smirk that morphed into a soft smile as her daughter and Nick got out of the car, large grins on their faces. Ellie said something with a laugh, causing Nick to give her a fake angry glare seconds before he moved to chase her right as she ran in the opposite direction. Barbara felt happiness fill her when Ellie's loud laughter came through the closed window. Nick got to her in seconds, wrapping his arms around her from behind. 

She didn't need to be told what had happened between them. It was obvious in the way they both seemed happier and lighter, and the way Ellie's smile was bigger than Barbara had seen in months. 

With one last look Barbara turned away, a grin in place. She knew from the moment Ellie first told her about Nick that he'd be someone special to her daughter.

_"We have a new agent on the team—well two technically—but this guy.."_

_Barbara raised an eyebrow on the other end of the phone at the way Ellie trailed off. "This guy what?"_

_"I don't know." Frustration was evident in her tone. "There's something about him mom, he's so mysterious and closed off. I'm pretty sure it's going to drive me crazy!"_

_"So he's like a puzzle for you?" Barbara asked in amusement._

_"No!..Yes..I don't know!" Ellie groaned, the sound of a bed creaking coming through the speaker. Barbara could picture her daughter throwing herself down onto it in her frustrated state._

_"A word of advice hun..don't try and figure him out or attempt to push things out of him, just try and be his friend, because I'm sure a friend is what he could use right now."_

_"I guess you're right." Ellie sighed. "He feels..different, but I can't put my finger on why."_

_Barbara smiled, she had a pretty good idea and it was only proven as time passed and every phone call home after that included at least one mention of Nick's name._

A part of Ellie's heart knew it was Nick all along.


End file.
